Her remark drives right to the heart of the separation of tasks.
What other people think when they see your face—that is the task of other people and is not something you have any control over.
YOUTH: As theory, I get it. To my reasoning brain, it does make sense. But my emotions can’t keep up with such a high-handed argument.
PHILOSOPHER: Then let’s try another tack. Say there’s a man who’s distressed about the interpersonal relationships at the company where he works.
He has a completely irrational boss who yells at him at every opportunity.
No matter how hard he tries, his boss doesn’t acknowledge his efforts and never even really listens to what he says.
YOUTH: That sounds exactly like my boss. PHILOSOPHER: But is being acknowledged by your boss “work” that you should think of as top priority?
It isn’t your job to be liked by people at the place you work.
Your boss doesn’t like you. And his reasons for not liking you are clearly unreasonable.
But in that case, there’s no need for you to get cozy with him.
YOUTH: That sounds right, but the person is my boss, right? I won’t get any work done if I’m shunned by my direct superior.
PHILOSOPHER: That is Adler’s life-lie again. I can’t do my work because I’ve been shunned by my boss.
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