My mom took Graham to a movie,” he said. “We should go do something,” I said.
Can the something be play blind-guy video games while sitting on the couch?
Yeah, that’s just the kind of something I had in mind.
So we sat there for a couple hours talking to the screen together, navigating this invisible labyrinthine cave without a single lumen of light.
The most entertaining part of the game by far was trying to get the computer to engage us in humorous conversation:
Me: “Touch the cave wall.” Computer: “You touch the cave wall. It is moist.”
Isaac: “Lick the cave wall.” Computer: “I do not understand. Repeat?”
Me: “Hump the moist cave wall.” Computer: “You attempt to jump. You hit your head.
Isaac: “Not jump. HUMP.” Computer: “I don’t understand.
Isaac: “Dude, I’ve been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL.”
Computer: “You attempt to ju—” Me: “Thrust pelvis against the cave wall.
Computer: “I do not—” Isaac: “Make sweet love to the cave.” Computer: “I do not—”
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