so I simply headed straight into the first big department store I saw and took the lift to the Electrical Department.
A young man with a gray shirt and a shiny tie was staring at the banks of giant TV screens.
I approached, and informed him that I wished to purchase a computer.
He looked scared. “Desktop laptop tablet,” he intoned. I had no idea what he was talking about.
“I haven’t bought a computer before, Liam,” I explained, reading his name badge. “I’m a very inexperienced technology consumer.”
He pulled at the collar of his shirt, as though trying to free his enormous Adam’s apple from its constraints.
He had the look of a gazelle or an impala, one of those boring beige animals with large, round eyes on the sides of its face.
The kind of animal that always gets eaten by a leopard in the end.
This was a rocky start. “What will you be using it for?” he asked, not making eye contact.
“That’s absolutely none of your business,” I said, most offended.
He looked like he might cry, and I felt bad. He was only young. I touched his arm, even though I hate touching.
“I’m afraid I’m a bit anxious because it is absolutely imperative that I am able to go online this weekend,” I explained.
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