I lay still, and slowly appraised my situation. I was warm. My head was pounding.
My guts were filled with a stabbing pain which pulsed regularly, like blood.
I opened my mouth and heard the flesh and gums peel apart, like orange segments being separated.
I was wearing my yellow nightdress. I heard churning, bumping sounds, external to the ones in my body,
and eventually placed them as coming from the washer-dryer. I slowly opened one eye—it was gummed shut—
and saw that the living room was unchanged, the frog pouf staring back at me.
Was I alive? I hoped so, but only because if this was the location of the afterlife, I’d be lodging an appeal immediately.
Beside me on the low table in front of the sofa was a large glass of vodka.
I reached out, shaking violently, and managed to pick it up and lift it to my mouth without spilling too much.
I had gulped down almost half of it before I realized that it was actually water.
I gagged, feeling it gurgle and churn in my stomach. Another bad sign—someone or something had turned vodka into water.
This was not my preferred kind of miracle. Lying back down again, I heard other sounds, footsteps.
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