It’s been a long two weeks, Holmesy. Should I elaborate?” I nodded.
“With pleasure,” she answered as we cleared the metal detectors.
So with Mychal it really boiled down to my need to be young and wild and free—
like, I had this near-death experience and then thought, Do I really want to waste my youth in a capital-R Relationship?
And so I was, like, ‘Let’s see other people,’ and he was, like, ‘No,’ and I was, like, ‘Please,’
and he was, like, ‘I want to be in a monogamous relationship,’
and I was, like, ‘I just don’t want the weight of this, like, Thing dominating my life,’
and he was, like, ‘I’m not a thing,’ and then we broke up.
I think technically he dumped me in the end,
but it was one of those things where you’d need, like, a three-judge panel to determine who was technically at fault.
“Anyway, then with the car, it turns out that cars are expensive to own and also it turns out that they can hurt you,
so I got a refund because I had it less than sixty days, and now I’m just going to Uber everywhere for the rest of my life,
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